Remorseless Bacon
Taking my life-lessons from a T.V.Doctor.
I don’t watch much T.V. but for some reason I found myself tuning into the season finale of a show I’d never seen. Essentially a “Doctors in Love show”, the title had something to do with the color of someone’s anatomy. I don’t know.
In the show, there is a crazy man that infiltrates the hospital’s security and starts shooting people. As the story goes, the man’s wife was mistreated somehow by medical personnel. She died and according to the madman, now all medical personnel must die too. Riveting stuff.
Keeping true to the sound principles of formulaic drama series finales, the storyline takes a shocking turn. Jeff, (let’s call him Jeff) a blue eyed GQ surgeon takes a bullet from the crazy man in the shoulder. Jeff, who in earlier episodes was sleeping with a lesbian nurse named Mary, lay on the hospitals floor clutching his bloody wound.
“Wait, wouldn’t that make her heterosexual?” I asked.
My wife was patiently humoring me by filling me in with all the background knowledge I would need for this ridiculous show to make sense to me during the commercials. She is a bit of a connoisseur of such stuff and was a valuable resource to me that night.
The events of the show thus far pale in comparison to what happened next. As he lay dying on the floor in the arms of another beautiful young nurse ( yes, he was sleeping with her too), and realizing that he only had minutes to live, looked up into her eyes and exclaimed with a level of sincerity reserved only for prime time T.V.: “ I wish I would have eaten more bacon.”
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“That will be thirty two twenty nine”. I swiped my card.
“Thanks”. I grabbed my receipt and bags and left the store. I had everything packed up and ready for the thirty five mile snowmachine trip to the cabin. These last minute items would be a nice touch for Saturday’s dinner. The giant fresh jalapenos would be stuffed with chorizo sausage and chunks of blue cheese and yes the whole thing would be wrapped tightly with with salty, porky, fatty, remorseless bacon.
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| This one's for you Jeff |
