Saturday, October 15, 2011

The legend of Full Moon Rising


      The Legend of Full Moon Rising     

    A man of white beard and brown hair crawled across a barren desert in desperation.  Dune after dune of endless sand lay before him for as far at the eye could see.  Making his last stand, the man committed himself to achieving the top of the next dune; beyond that he wasn’t sure he would be able to continue.  An hour later the man finally crested the top and peered over into the depression below. With the sun blazing in his eyes the man could hardly believe his good fortune; a small wooden structure revealed itself in the duned valley below. Not having eaten in the last four days he found himself clinging to this one bastion of hope.
      The man, with renewed purpose and waning energy set out to reach the structure which, as he got closer, looked more like a shack, or a stand of some fashion.  “Could it be a food stand?  he thought to himself.  He allowed himself this thought briefly and then scolded himself for raising his hopes too high.  There appeared to be signage on the front with colors and numbers and pictures of which he could not make out the details.
      Still unable to walk, the man crawled closer and to his delight, discovered that yes it was indeed a food stand, a farmers market  specializing in the sale of the humble onion. A large white wooden onion was attached high above the counter in cartoon caricature. Not believing his own eyes he rubbed them and re-focused affirming his discovery. 
      The man, reared in a small outpost of fertile lands on the other side of the world, had grown up on the onions of his region and had developed a deep seeded love for all variety of Allium cepo, the common bulb onion.
      “To what diete do I owe my good fortune?” he thought to himself “Not only have I discovered my only salvation of food for miles around in this forsaken desert, but they are serving my beloved onion, my best meal. Oh I can almost feel the crisp crunch on my teeth and the clear juice running down my chin. Oh happy day, Oh happy day!”
    He crawled forth a little faster now but at his current pace it would still be a good thirty minutes to the shack; His mind turned to all things onion. 
     He remembered that his grandfather who had lived to the ripe old age of 100 years old had been quoted in his village ledger, as attributing his long life to two distinct things: Hard daily physical work and eating lots and lots of onions.
    The hard physical labor bit had always made a lot of sense to the man.  The regular exercise, he knew increased circulation and  was good for his heart. But what was it about the onion? Was it the vitamins and minerals that manifested the fountain of youth in the onion or was it something more, something intangible or maybe mystical? He didn’t know for sure, he just knew that he loved to eat them and if it led to a longer life then it was a good thing. Deep down though, he knew that even if strong scientific evidence pointed the other way towards the onion leading to cancer or other illness, he would probably eat them anyway; he simply loved them.
      The man had a wonderful childhood growing up in a small agricultural town where his mother and father tended to a bountiful garden yielding everything from rowed corn to melons of water, and of course his beloved onions.  There were no hard times of famine in the man’s early life such as he was experiencing now. He had grown with a wide variety of wonderous foods that were available in season, or put up into jars for winter subsistence.  It was this variety of foods that shaped the diversity of the man’s pallet. There was no food the man did not enjoy as a young lad; sans one, the raisin.
      It is not clear the reasoning or logic behind the man’s aversion to the seemingly innocuous chewy brown fruit, but it could very well have been that heredity played a strong role because all three of the man’s children and his seven grandchildren, to this day, avoid the raisin like the black plague of old.
      Prolific since 1490 BC, the raisin at one time in early Roman times was so valuable that two jars of them was the equivalent of one slave in trade.  To the man though, two jars of them was to insult the jars themselves.
     Fumbling through the pockets of his torn knickers the man found what he searched for, his last gold coin.  And with the coin tucked in his clutches he managed to pull himself upright, although terribly difficult, to a standing position at the counter.   
     There was a lone person un-packing boxes from the back of the onion stand and was unaware entirely of the man’s presence. Unable to speak due to his emaciated state the man waited to be waited on with what patience he had left.  It was then that the man noticed the small cardboard sign propped up on the counter no more than an arms length away from him written in what looked like black pen:

  Sorry! N O   M O R E    O N I O N S.

     TODAYS SPECIAL:  RAISINS
   
      A gust of wind swept a tumbleweed up and over the nearest sand dune out of sight.  The creak of rusty hinges on the shack shutters were followed by the rhythmic knock of plywood repeated itself gently.  The breeze was no match for the late afternoon sun that beat down relentlessly soaking itself into whatever it could.  A lone scorpion appeared to observe in a motionless stance  from a nearby sand drift.
     The Raisin stand attendant, some fifteen minutes later, made her way up to the counter to wipe it clean.  There, not at all upright anymore, was the cardboard sign with a ball point pen jousted through the middle like the axel of some strange wheel.  Confused, she looked out to the desert beyond and with a stoic look of oblivion and genuine befuddlement witnessed a man crawling away with a white beard and brown hair. The man was slowly moving back up the sand dune hill adjascent to his own down-tracks; Not at all dead yet, and still of sound mind he made painstaking headway back into the heart of the desert from whence he came; his knickers were pulled down just far enough to expose his entire hairy and chapped posterior.
     
Onions and Raisins      


     As I ducked through the short trapper door, I was hit with the aroma of beans cooking on the stove.  As usual, the kitchen area was a clutter of unfinished business.  The beans were in a large oval-shaped cast iron pot simmering away on the propane cook-stove.  They had soaked overnight and began cooking early in the day.  Another section of counter had neatly chopped piles of caribou steak, moose bacon, garlic, celery, onions, green peppers, and jalapenos.  On the other side of the kitchen was the loosely organized wet bar that included martini makings with a jar of jalapeno stuffed green olives nestled in the middle. Various bourbons, a bottle of rum, a few cokes and a lone bottle of Alaskan Amber rounded out the selections.  Next to the bourbon was a small collection of raw veggies that hadn’t been cleaned up or cut yet.  A few of them were still neatly wrapped in paper towels with rubber bands around them, an old camping trick.  Several spices gathered near the beans.
     The cabin was warm and humid.  It was a sharp contrast to the ultra dry fifteen below zero outside. There was a steady hiss hovering in the cabin from all three lanterns and the cook stove firing.   Elton John was crooning us from the battery powered stereo.  I wondered if the extra batteries in the corner cabinets were still good.  For now there seemed to be plenty of juice left to fuel our evening ambiance.  Had Elton ever heard the hiss of propane lanterns?  I wasn’t sure.
     After I took off all of my wet outer clothes I found the last vacant hook over the woodstove.  There must have been a hundred pounds of wet winter gear drying on all of the hooks.   I walked past dad who was busily adding chopped onions to an already large pile on the old warped wooden cutting board.  I noticed a solo mouse turd out of the corner of my eye, hiding under the edge of a cloth potholder nearby.
     “Any luck?” dad asked as he reached for another round paper towel onion.  He snapped the rubber band off of the onion and added it to the others around his wrist.  Dad had been wrapping onions in paper towels on camping trips ever since I could remember.
     “Nah, but I saw some wolf tracks way up Indian though.”
     “Cool” 
     I reached behind dad to grab a coke and a glass.  “I bet we’ll get some tomorrow,” I speculated.  I could feel the heat from the kerosene heater come and go on my poly-pro covered leg as I headed to the table.  I took a deep breath and relaxed into my green plastic chair.                         
     Brent was upstairs, crashed after a late night crack at some coyotes with his predator call.  It had been a full moon and it was like a big round floodlight saturating the woods with visibility.  He would soon be up, most likely drinking his usual mix of Jim Beam and coke and calling everyone “boss.”  Pete was over in his new cabin cleaning the place up for the up-coming Iditarod weekend.  He just finished hooking up his woodstove and was hoping to spend the night there for the first time. 
     “Where’s Rach?” I asked.  Despite the fact that we sometimes worry about mom trekking around alone, she does find some neat stuff on her wanderings. She dances to the tune of her own music and will wander and putz around for hours sometimes until dark. Often she returns with her small treasures; an old lure found on the river bank or an interesting rock or beaver stick.  Her path is usually littered with a trail of small branches and twigs that she leaves in the wake of her trusty sandvik that she waves around like a magic wand.
      “I think she went towards Jim’s place,” Dad guessed.  With a steady swipe of his hand, he dropped all of the onions off of the cutting board onto the skillet held below the level of the counter.  A generous pour of olive oil and a glob of minced garlic were already mingling in the pan.  The oil was hot and making a pleasant sizzle, sending off a familiar aroma mixing with that of the beans.  A couple of wrist motions with the pan and wooden spoon made the whole mess of onions dance on the stove.  “If she’s not back soon I’m sending out an APB,” dad joked as he took a sip of his drink. The slush shifted in his clear glass which revealed a flash of green near the top.
     “Whatcha drinkin there dad?”  I wasn’t sure if it was a martini, cubra libre, or a gin and tonic.  From what I’ve gathered from Indian Creek folklore, gin and tonics are generally consumed in the warm summer days due to their refreshing tartness, whereas martinis and cubra libres have no such seasonal restrictions. 
     “martooni” he said letting out a satisfied Ahh sound before setting down his drink.
      Just then mom came pouring through the door engulfed in a cloud of steam like a cold weather batman.  She quickly shut the door behind her and began to take off her hat and neck warmer which revealed her rosy red cheeks for all to see.
     “Wow, nice apples Rach!”
     “Thanks,” she replied in her optimistic cheery way.  “There are some ravens way up in a birch tree past Jim‘s place, I think they were watching me.”
     “Cool” replied dad without missing a beat on his growing hill of onions.
     “Have you seen Pete?” I asked.
     “Yeah, he’s got his woodstove roaring over there.  His cabin is already warm”.
     Brent had given Pete a large woodstove that he’d salvaged from one of his families rentals that fall. The stove was an earth stove, able to heat a 2000 square foot house in a single bound. Pete’s 100 square feet would probably heat up with just  the match.   I was curious how it would work.  I suggested that if nothing else we could use it for a sauna house or oven.
     Dad was calmly alternating between stirring, mixing, and chopping some veggies for a salad. Occasionally he would take a sip of his martooni followed by another Ahh.  There was no hurry today.
    Pete and Brent joined us and settled into the living room near the heat source.  True to form, Brent started in on a super-sized beam and coke with a snow chunk floating around the big plastic tumbler.  Pete followed suit with Wild Turkey instead.
     “What’s for dinner?” Pete asked.
         “Ants on a log,” I said referring to the childhood snack of celery sticks filled with peanut butter cradling a trail of raisins on top.  Pete chuckled.
     “What are ants on a log?” Brent asked.
     “Are you kidding me?” Pete’s look turned serious.  “You’ve never had ants on a log?”
    “I don’t know, maybe I have.  What are they?”
    Pete went on to chastise Brent about his ignorance in this matter eventually describing the recipe.  I paid attention to Dad’s expression when Pete got to the part about the raisins.  His face turned into a sour scowl as if smelling a potent fart.  Dad, never having developed much of a taste for the raisin, once referred to raisins as a “waste of a good grape”. 
    Calling Pete’s attention to dad’s face sent us into a fit of laughter, including a near accident with my drink almost coming out my nose.
     I turned my gaze towards dad and noticed that things seem to be coming to a head in the kitchen. There was a rich mix of smells swirling around giving my stomach a grumble. Mom had set the table with paper plates and plastic forks.
     Dad brought the pot of beans over to the table with a large serving spoon and a brand new bottle of Tobasco still in the cardboard box.
     Finally, dinner was done and we all sat down to a robust meal that filled our bellies.  The next day we decided we would bait up a few more boxes and set a few more traps along the ridge.  The martin trapping had been slow but nobody seemed to mind.

safe for now.
                               




Saturday, October 8, 2011

Meat Skillet

 Meat Skillet
          “Who’s that?” I nodded to my left.
     “ The short guy?”
    “ Yeah.”
   “ Oh, that’s Carl.” Pete bluntly explained. “He manages a small Laundromat in Nebraska but he’s secretly always wanted to be a fireman.  The academy wouldn’t accept his application due to his recurring asthma.   He actually owns a full fireman’s suit that he keeps in his closet.  He volunteers at the VFW and he’s a mediocre bowler.”
  “ What about that guy coming out of the bathroom?”  I was testing him.
Pete responded with deadpan;  “ Gentlemen, I’d like you to meet Les.  Les is gay and is a hairdresser in Albuquerque.  Les actually hates hunting but is making good on a payback promise to his twin brother Jeff who is an attorney for the state department.  Last spring Jeff agreed to a  rancher- for- a- week retreat out of Austin Texas. They are both are still nursing rope burns on their butt cheeks.”
     All three of us broke out in laughter for a good thirteen seconds.  The guy did seem to have a bit of a limp.
    “Nice.”
     Experienced Alaskan hunters, it turns out tend to develop other skills too, like people watching in dumpy bush airports.
     A smirk and a chuckle came about me as I took in the room scanning for Pete’s next impromptu biography victim.  Wow there was a lot of camo in the room!  It was a wonder I could see anyone at all.  The hundred or so “sportsman” were caught up in the usual assortment of airport tasks, checking baggage, booking tickets, napping.  No one was coming or going at the moment.  With no plane to be had, we were stuck in a holding pattern of Cabelas card-carrying members.  It's okay, we are used to the goings on of small Alaskan airports; the predictable ebb and flow was an exercise in patience and tolerance.
      Myself, not entirely averse to donning camouflage in a hunting situation was conflicted internally to the urban-camo look and was taken-a-back on the ninety plus percent camo exhibited here, in the airport! Are these guys for real?  Did they really need to be prepared at any given moment to put the “sneaks” upon an unsuspecting deer or bear in the baggage claim area?
     Pete and I appeared as if we were on our way to a Sierra Club mixer with our Northface fleeces, whereas Dad’s camo stripe on his boots was quietly endearing himself to his mossy oak brethren.   How lame I must have looked to them in my “street clothes” at an airport instead of some good real tree thinsulate.  Maybe next year I’ll wear a ghilie suit; Maybe not.     

Next year's ghilie suit?
     The group of five camo dudes chatting next to us in a circle could very well have been a small bush.  It was only my keen eye as a hunter that was able to distiquish the difference.  The biggest of the group chewed gum as he held court.  He looked like a Dennis to me.  Dennis’s lively enactment of whatever he was talking about was provoking raucous laughter from his attentive buddies.  The hairy flesh of Dennis’s bulging gut was partruding well beyond the capacity of his mossy oak fleece top and was partially obstructing the view of his embossed elk belt buckle.  All I could make out were the four hoofed legs that came to life with each laughing fit like it was trying to get away. 
      A seven on a ten scale of annoyance wasn’t enough to ruffle us though, not yet, hell we were on our way to our deer hunters haven: South Kodiak.
     “Harrison party of three?” We were up and out of the seedy Kodiak airport loading the shuttle van as fast as we could.  We tried not to look like we were in a hurry but we were pretty excited.  We had to share the ride with another group, we were told.  Sure enough here came Dennis the Menace and crew slowly packing in shoulder to shoulder with Harrison party of three.  The minty waft of Dennis’s gum smackings permeated the cab almost as much as their hyena-like chucklings. 
     Amusing as Dennis and crew were to themselves it was Randy, the shuttle driver, who commanded our attention.  A seasoned local native, he was rough around the edges and, as I would discover later, a deserved character worthy of remembrance in the muddled and arbitrarily discriminatory archives of my memory.   
      His long shiny black hair was pulled into a ponytail with flowing streaks of silver.  From there, the romantic description of Randy’s physical attributes drops off.  I was certain that it had been at least a week since Randy had brushed his tooth.  He was hopelessly tied to his Marlboros and had a rasp rivaling Janis Joplin.   The deep ravined lines of a hard life had worked into his face.  His beady almost black eyes had a Clint Eastwood squint about them and came across as a fellow not to be trifled with. 
muffins are lame.
 Did he have an ivory handled colt at the ready?  We didn’t know but we were on a roll, a vacationers high.  Nary a smile was cracked by Randy despite some of the hilarity of our supercharged carryings on.  I'm sure he'd seen it all. 
     The dorky nonsense of Harrison party of three rolled on without breaking stride, ivory handled colt or not.
     We had purposefully arrived the night before our bush flight out to the hunting grounds and now we had some time to kill.  My dad had booked us at the Comfort Inn, which was close to the airport.  Randy dropped us there, freeing us from the pleasantries of the Dennis crew.  Initially we were pleased with the hotel selection due to its close proximity to the airport, but when we pulled the lobby doors open our sentiments changed dramatically. 
     A lingering white haze of cigarette smoke filled the large room.  There were four people puffing away like there was no tomorrow including the lady at the front desk. 
      The guy stood looking out the lobby window was sucking his cheeks in deeply, pulling a hard drag as far within his lungs as he could; we passed, making our way to the front desk. At least the smokers were smart; they were holding their smoldering butts way out to one side or the other between drags, so their eyes would not be irritated by the burn of their selected Phillip Morris products. The uprising tailings of the burning chemicals spiraled and joined the rest of the cloud in a swirl of toxicity.  Like peeing in a swimming pool, they shared their lobby fog with one and all without consideration of consequence. Pete was happy to introduce us to each of them confidentially including Flo at the front desk.  The matted down dusty Brown bear rug looked forlorn hanging above Flo; I couldn’t blame him.  We did manage to produce a genuine tone thanking Flo as we grabbed our faded brass metal key to our non-smoking room that ended up, not so coincidentally, smelling a lot like smoke.
Harrison's are well known
for their high-brow tastes
    Nonetheless, Harrison party of three had a brilliant time acquainting ourselves with the subtleties of the hardened Kodiak culture.  We drank some beer too.  Memory of note: My father Steve sr. did indeed order a Cutty on the rocks at the lobby bar that night.  Cutty Sark? Really? I had no idea I was hunting with Denny Crane.  Who knew?
Deer hunting anyone?
     The next morning we were picked up by our new buddy Randy.  With his edgy delivery and matter of fact opinions, he informed us of some local hotspots for any night forays upon our return and where we could pick up any needed supplies before today’s flight out.  He steered us to the best spots to buy beer and fuel canisters for our lantern as requested.  Both aforementioned items, blacklisted from domestic flights these days ranked high on our “need to get” list for our weeklong deer hunt.     
    “You guys don’t fly out until noon.”
“Do you want me to bring you to town for breakfast?” raspy Randy asked.
     We looked at each other for any indications of opinion amongst ourselves. “ Well I am kinda hungry, I did see a sign at the hotel about some continental breakfast”, I offered out loud although it didn’t sound very good to me. 
     Randy pulled the trigger; “ You don’t want no fuckin muffin” he barked with as serious a look as I’ve ever seen.  “ Let me take you down to the Shelly for a meat skillet!”
     After the laughter died down of which Randy did not partake, we whole-heartedly agreed upon his idea.  He was right, we didn’t want no fuckin continental breakfast muffin the size of a racquetball, wrapped in plastic to go with our cold cereal and maybe a brownish banana or outdated yogurt.  We were beginning to warm to this Randy guy; he was all right.
     None of us knew what the “Shelly” was, but the meat skillet sounded good.  Apparently Randy was as good reading us as we were at pigeon holing the camo dipsticks at the airport.   We grilled Randy during the ten-minute ride into town about whatever we could since we were pretty impressed with the whole meat skillet-muffin bit.  
Grig
     The Shelikof Lodge or “Shelly” as it were, was named after Grigory Shelikof, a Russian fur trader who founded the first Russian settlement in America, in what is now Alaska, at Three Saints Bay on Kodiak Island in 1784. Unbeknownst to him at the time Grigory (I think of him as Grig) had no idea his legacy would include his namesake on a two star Hotel in downtown Kodiak city where meat skillets rule the menu.  Lucky.  He probably just figured that if he beat up enough seals with baseball bats he might be able to barter his way back home to his lovely Russian wife Natalya, who was reportedly a hot little number and had a weak spot for seal oil. 
      I don't feel too much guilt talking smack about the deceased Grig considering that when he landed at Three saints bay and was met unfavorably by the indigenous Koniaga people of the Alutiiq nation, decided that it would be a good idea to kill hundreds of them and take hostages so as to send a strong message: You were here first, but I'm here now; give me all your furs!  I'm ok with the legacy of the Shelly meat skillet.
     “Good Morning gentlemen, can I get you some coffee?”
“Yes three coffees please”
“O.K I’ll bring some menus too.”
I stepped up to the plate.  “We won’t be needing any menus today ma’am, I think we know what we want.”
     She stopped in her tracks and pulled out her ticket book and a pen.
“Meat skillets all around please”.  I added the circular index twirl for flare and then she left us for a while, scampering across the stained seventies carpet.  There might have been something better on the menu, but probably not. The level of anticipation at our table was building; My stomach growled at me, it was 11:00 after all.  Our confidence in Randy’s blatant recommendation was affirmed when three oval shaped skillets came steaming our way.
     Although I’m sure my LDL Cholesterol bubbled up twenty points that day,  the meal itself was not bad.  A bed of fried potatoes anchored an all-star cast of bacon, reindeer sausage, and some other tasty unidentified mystery meats. Some onions and eggs joined the party all taking cover under a melted cheddar cheese umbrella.  The nasal tang of spicy vapors rose from the high sheen of Tobascco that I had dumped on my skillet clearing my sinuses.  Harrison party of three quipped no more as we devoured our breakfast. I wiped up the last of the savory grease off the plate with my sourdough toast.  We washed it all down with truck stop coffee and ice water. Ahhh!  Muffin my ass.